Not in the Mood for God

Beware, complete honesty zone.

Not too long ago I went through a phase where I thought the whole Christianity thing utterly ridiculous. I was at church and utterly overcome by weary cynicism; it all seemed so…silly. It felt like a performance which I was both observing and acting in. The uninterrupted call to holiness was exhausting and impossible; my walk with God was one step forward and two steps back. Contrary to David, I did not “desire His precepts”, rather I desired to be swallowed up by the status quo and the pleasant mundanity of life. A radical life seemed enticing in theory but the actual steps of action it required infringed on my comfort and acutely established reputation.

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But I Want to Go

Change is a colour which compliments me well, and I like to wear it often.

I feel comfortable in the uncomfortable. Movement, fresh starts, and first impressions energize my being and propel my spirit out of the godawful wasteland of routine. 

Over the past two years I have worked three different jobs and lived in five different places, had ten different housemates and applied for university three times. Now, after working the same job full-time for the past three months, I am itching for my next endeavor. 

Although I am dynamic and possibly even interesting, I am not brave.

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But a Shadow

Innate in every human being is a desire to experience the great things the world has to offer. Indeed, I have met very few people who do not have a gnawing appetite for the vast and colourful buffet that life has spread before them. Whether it is through travel, art, finery, or love, humanity yearns to experience it all.

We think, “I am human. I am on this earth for about 80 years, I must make the most of this time. I must see as much of this planet as possible, fall in love, perhaps have children. I must become the best, and acquire the best. I must, I must, I must.”

Is it a sense of obligation or entitlement? I cannot decide.

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